Steadying the Storm: Coping with Life's Uncertainties

We are in times of great uncertainty. 

What I’m finding in my coaching, membership, and therapy practice is that people are saying that it is increasingly difficult to manage their stress due to external pressures. Factors like economic instability and inflation, climate change, and political uncertainty are creating a backdrop that heightens daily anxiety. These global and societal issues, paired with the juggling act of work, family responsibilities, and personal obligations, can leave people feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin. 

It's not about which side of the political conversation that any one of us stands on, but rather the importance of acknowledging the very real toll these kinds of stressors are taking on emotional and mental well-being. Understanding how these widespread issues contribute to a sense of uncertainty can help open conversations about self-care, resilience, and finding ways to stay grounded amidst the chaos.

Given this backdrop, today I want to talk about what happens when the sorrow of grief collides with the raw, anticipatory energy of fear. In a world where uncertainty is the norm, understanding the powerful relationship between these emotions can be key to navigating life’s toughest moments. Today, we explore how grief exposes our deepest vulnerabilities and how fear amplifies that pain, and also where we can find resilience and hope amidst their intersection. 

The Nature of Grief 

Often when we talk about grief, we think of loss of life. While that is a very significant and important area of grief in our lives, today I’m going to explore a different angle of grieving – which is the grief of the loss of perceived stability and opportunity. 

Unlike more tangible losses, this form of grief often goes unacknowledged. There's no funeral for a lost sense of security. No sympathy cards arrive when opportunities fade. Instead, we might feel lost, lonely – or even ashamed – as if our struggles are a personal failure rather than a response to genuine loss. 

This isn't just disappointment. It's a genuine form of grief - mourning the loss of what my field of psychotherapy might call our "assumptive world," the basic beliefs we hold about how life works, how our community and society works, and what we can expect from it.

In essence, grief is untethering. It is a crisis in the sense that we often feel we’ve lost both our map and compass all at once. 

As Dr. Samantha Stein wrote in her article in Psychology Today: “There are no coordinates to plug into our GPS. We can only put one foot in front of the other, each day. Breathe. We can’t run but we can’t stand still either. We have to keep walking forward, holding fear’s hand. Until we arrive somewhere new.” 

The Raw Energy of Fear 

Grief often feels like and touches into fear. We are facing or anticipating a loss that feels unimaginable, right? So, the questions that arise: “what do I do now?” “How do I – or do I even want to – move forward?” “Where is God in this?!” In fear and grief, we can lose a sense of orientation which causes us to feel unsafe and threatened. 

Oftentimes, there might be additional crisis questions that arise, like: 

“What if I will always feel this way?” 

“How long will this last?” 

“What will my life be like now?” 

Here’s the thing: grief puts in our face that we’re not as invulnerable as maybe we once thought – this can spark intense fear and intensify our feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. 

I’m going to give you a simple example: 

I’ve worked with clients who have been laid off unexpectedly from their jobs, right? One day they were working and that reliable paycheck was coming in, and the next day they’re facing the fact that their identity with this company or organization is over and their pay is limited. Not only do they have grief about losing their job, their work community, and their role – not to mention their confidence and security, but they’re also experiencing their fear – what if I don’t find another job soon enough? What if I don’t make as much money? What are we going to do? 

The grief and fear compound each other. 

From this natural intersection of grief and fear, we often see other responses, such as withdrawal, irritability, and trouble focusing on even the simplest day-to-day tasks. 

So, what do we do?

Finding Resilience Amidst Grief and Fear 

How do we find our resilience and our hope amidst grief and fear? 

Here are some simple steps:

• Acknowledge and Normalize: See if you can acknowledge both your grief and your fear and remind yourself that feeling both simultaneously is a natural and very human response to times of uncertainty.  
• Grounding Practices: Try simple strategies like the 54321 grounding technique is a mindfulness exercise that helps people manage stress and anxiety by focusing on our five senses and the present moment:
• 5 things you can see: Look around and identify five things you can see
• 4 things you can touch: Feel around and identify four things you can touch
• 3 things you can hear: Pay attention to three things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell: Be aware of two things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste: Even if you open your mouth and taste the air – even if its tasteless – that is noticing

 Sometimes our tendency is to move inward and isolate in times of upheaval, but I want to encourage you to see if you can find a little energy within you to do the exact opposite. See if you can find friends, support groups, or maybe a professional one-on-one  to talk about your feelings of fear and loss.

• Daily Self-Care: Encourage listeners to set small, achievable self-care goals that create moments of calm. These can be as simple as taking deep breaths. One of my favorite ways to practice daily self care is through a morning routine because it’s easy to remember to do when I wake up and the impact ripple throughout my day. 
• Reframing Thoughts: Share tips on how to gently reframe fearful thoughts to find bits of hope and strength. For example, focus on what you feel gratitude for, or refocus on the present moment – which is all we have anyway, right? As an example of refocusing on the present moment, you might try opening a window or going outside and bringing your awareness and attention to birdsong. As a quick aside, why is simply hearing birdsongs so powerful?  According to an article in Forbes, researchers think birdsong is a subtle indication of an intact natural environment that detracts our attention from stress that could otherwise signal an acute threat. (https://www.forbes.com/sites/grrlscientist/2022/10/19/listening-to-birdsongs-can-calm-your-frayed-nerves/)

A Story of Hope 

Once, when I was in an intensive training program, one of my faculty who I highly respected shared a story that I’ve never forgotten. He shared that he was imprisoned and tortured in the Philippines. While he was imprisoned there, he started talking to the prison guards and showing them heartfelt empathy. They learned from this that he was emotionally safe, empathetic, and insightful, and they began to share their struggles and pain with him. Ultimately, this led to his protection and survival, which led to him being alive to share the story with me his other students, about the power of vulnerability, compassion, and disarming fear in a crisis.  

This is a remarkable story. What resonated with me was the value and possibility that rests within moving beyond our fear, and connecting with our spirit and our hearts and finding resilience there to move beyond what we think is possible. 

If you are listening to this, you probably have some form of freedom available to you. With that freedom, I encourage you to honor your feelings and your experience, practice self-care, and connect with your resilient spirit and powerful heart. If you need guidance, please don’t hesitate to reach for my free 10 Minute Morning Routine to help you center. You can find that free ritual at: https://www.thecalmingground.com/10minute-morning-routine

If you feel you need more support than this and your community can offer, please reach out for professional support and guidance to find your way. 

Remember, grief and fear don’t have to be enemies. They can be seen as messages from within you — indicators that something matters to you deeply and that you are navigating uncharted waters. 

By acknowledging these feelings, practicing self-compassion, and reaching for support when needed, you can learn not only to cope but to emerge stronger and more connected to yourself and others. 

Until next time, take care of you.